Finally Stop Christmas Obligation!
Last night, I had a client come to see me and she had said that she needs some support around obligation. With the Holidays just around the corner and being around her's and her husband’s family she can easily fall into the pattern of obligation. Doing things she doesn’t really want to do, because she feels like she should.
I wanted to address this issue which can come up for a lot of people, especially around this time of year, so I wanted to offer a little pre-holiday support. Women, and mothers in particular, have trouble putting themselves first and they run around taking care of everyone else’s needs, which leaves them feeling, overwhelmed, tired, and irritable.
So I just want to ask, “What stops you from asking for what you want and need? For some people, it’s guilt. They rather just do things out of obligation than deal with the guilt of not doing it, or they feel like a bad person for not doing things that they feel they ‘should’, even though it stretches them, and drains their energy. For others it’s fear. Fear of speaking up because of the possible repercussions, perhaps in childhood things didn’t go well for them when they did speak up. For some it’s a life long patterning around obligation and self-sacrifice and they do it without even being conscious of the fact that they’re doing it. So, what is it for you? What stops you from putting your needs first?
People pleasing is actually an inherited tendency and very common. I’m sure that the majority of you can relate to this. You can probably see it in your family history as well. Either one or both parents would have most likely had this tendency if it is an issue for you.
So, with obligation comes the people pleasing tendency, and we do things like, put on a happy face. We won’t express unpleasant emotions, so as not to make other people feel uncomfortable.
We will be agreeable and have trouble saying no or setting boundaries with people. We do things because we feel like we should rather than because we really want to. Then because we can’t set boundaries or say no to things when people ask, we become overwhelmed and exhausted. We are giving our energy away to everyone else, and we have none left for ourselves and what we really want to be doing. We end up living life for other people and what they expect or need from us, and then this leads to regrets of an un-lived life.
So people pleasing is leaving us exhausted, and there is no need. I want you to go from feeling exhausted to energized and enthusiastic about your life. Are you ready to start doing things differently? Are you ready to take that leap?
We need to stop doing things out of obligation, because we feel like we should, and start doing things out of love, because we really want to. Now, this can take a lot of practice, believe me I know. I was the queen of obligation. The first step is awareness. Sometimes, it is difficult to even identify when we are doing something out of love or out of obligation. It’s like learning a new skill. So, I’m going to give you a very useful tip to get you started.
When you do things out of obligation. Where in your body do you feel it? What sort of sensation or sensations come up for you. For me, I felt it in my chest. It was like energy was being sucked out of my heart chakra. So, when I started to practice saying no to obligation, if someone asked me to do something and I felt that sensation in my chest, I would say no. It was my trigger to let me know that I was about to say yes to something out of obligation. Sometimes, I would need time to think about it, so I would ask for time, and that is ok. Like I said, it’s like learning a new skill and it takes practice.
Then there is the guilt that we need to content with. A lot of women, myself included struggle with saying no, and think that it’s just easier to say yes than deal with the guilt. I’m going to address that issue in my next video, so stay tuned for that one.
In the meantime, just start with the awareness and how you feel when you are doing things out of obligation, and we’ll continue this discussion over the next few days.
As my Christmas present to you this year, I’m booking in FREE 'Make 2018 Your Best Year Yet Calls' all next week to get clear on how you can make 2018 an amazing year for you. So, if you’re interested put your name below this video or private message me, and I’ll book you in.